imagery

     The saloon doors creak open as he enters the room, followed by the unmistakable smell of gunpowder. His eyes, just visible under his tattered hat, squint as his vision adjusts to the dimly light, dusty bar. Scanning the room like a wolf in the night looking for his prey, and starts making his way to the bank ancient wood stools. He orders whiskey, and shoots the glass down. The only time this statue talks is when ordering another drink. His 3 day beard is thick with dirt and grime that most working men get. As he opens his mouth to drink more, a fissure of white skin appears on the underside of his chin. After he finishes his third glass, he asks the bartender where the outhouse is; the bartender points him to a corner of the bar where a door leads outside; he stands and slips his coat off, as whirlwind of dust comes loose and settles to the ground like the dust that comes after you swat a moth. Removing his hat revealing his gnarled bramble of hair, and begins walking in the direction he was pointed. Just audible, over the husted mumbles of the other patrons, is the metallic ting of bullets in his pockets. The holsters clinging to hips carry the hands of god. The spurs, that accompany his worn down leather boots, are rusted and worn down. This broad shouldered man reaches the door as a meek banker walks in, almost running into him. The banker looks up and all the color drains from his  face as he sprints from the bar. Five minutes pass before he returns, just as he walks in the sheriff kicks the saloon doors open; before he can even get a word out he is falling back with a single hole between his eyes.

     I have scaled the bell tour of the Parliament building, and have often been seen walking into Mordor. More than I'd like, the fictitious character of the Dos Eques commercial is based on me. I speak fluent French, in Russian. I created a new civilization out of nothing but sand and elbow grease. I raced light, and won. I designed an entire and called it Atlantis but the gods did not approve and sank it. My charm is so contagious that a vaccine was created to cure it.

Using a raspberry milkshake I once saved a family of gazelles from a fire. Breakfast for dinner is my favorite dinner. More than once, various governments from across the globe have asked for my help. I have completed high school four times, in the same amount of time it takes to finish it once. My blood smells like cologne. My smile has blinded people miles away. I created a time machine and made Germany lose the second world war and made Tuesday come before Wednesday. I drink the recommended amount of eight glasses of water a day. Each day.

Once I wrestled a wolvarine and woke up in Japan. Once I partied with Phil, Stu and Alan and remembered the events of the night before. Once I jamed my finger on a basketball. It hurt. More than once Steven Hawking has asked me to check his math. I invented July. On Wednesday I turned a vampire into a vegetarian. Sundays I only eat sandwhiches. On Fridays I make sure to feed all the homeless people in any given town, I then have tea with the Queen. On Tuesdays I contemplate all the times I've been wrong. The list is very short. On Monday I opned 100 oysters. I found 100 perals.