I have scaled the bell tour of the Parliament building, and have often been seen walking into Mordor. More than I'd like, the fictitious character of the Dos Eques commercial is based on me. I speak fluent French, in Russian. I created a new civilization out of nothing but sand and elbow grease. I raced light, and won. I designed an entire and called it Atlantis but the gods did not approve and sank it. My charm is so contagious that a vaccine was created to cure it.

Using a raspberry milkshake I once saved a family of gazelles from a fire. Breakfast for dinner is my favorite dinner. More than once, various governments from across the globe have asked for my help. I have completed high school four times, in the same amount of time it takes to finish it once. My blood smells like cologne. My smile has blinded people miles away. I created a time machine and made Germany lose the second world war and made Tuesday come before Wednesday. I drink the recommended amount of eight glasses of water a day. Each day.

Once I wrestled a wolvarine and woke up in Japan. Once I partied with Phil, Stu and Alan and remembered the events of the night before. Once I jamed my finger on a basketball. It hurt. More than once Steven Hawking has asked me to check his math. I invented July. On Wednesday I turned a vampire into a vegetarian. Sundays I only eat sandwhiches. On Fridays I make sure to feed all the homeless people in any given town, I then have tea with the Queen. On Tuesdays I contemplate all the times I've been wrong. The list is very short. On Monday I opned 100 oysters. I found 100 perals.