Neal Tougas
     420 Bob Marley Way
     Penticton  
     V2A  3J8
     December 14, 2011
 
     Santa Clause
     North Pole
    Dear Santa Claus, I have been very good this year. I went snowboarding  ridiculous amounts of times last winter. And then I got a mullet. Man was that thing sexy. I got all the ladies with that thing.   Showcased my epic skills wake surfing. Man listening to Pink Flyod will cruising in that white beauty in the summer, what a great time. Partied hard, climbed a mountain, road a bike all the way to school from sunrise, drunk. At no time did I ever drive thought.

    For Christmas I only want a few things. Nothing big thought. Just my drivers licence back, because it was basically stolen from me. A forum snowboard so I can shred up the classy hills of Apex. The last thing I want Santa is the "Wall" by Pink Floyd, so i have some thing to chill to while I... never mind i just want the CD.

Sincerely,
 Neal Tougas

      "In a paleolithic pre-facebook era" texting while at an event would be considered rude. But in this new era constant connection, many people are to involved in their own social world to notice this rude behavior. According to CTV's digital news evangelist "[their] behaviour is well within the boundaries in a social-media age." But some still consider the act public texting to be "rude, period." In a recent survey by Zoosk "[people] are losing [their] one on one people skills." The constant bombardment of rude behavior has made this act of "multi-tasking" the norm. This obligatory rudeness is evident in a survey by the website Retrevo, which shows that "10% of people under 25," that were surveyed, "didn't see anything wrong with texting while having sex!" Technology has invited antisocial behavior under a guise of self expression. In many restaurants " 'no cellphones' is the new 'no smoking'." In Vancouver’s Upintheair Theater has section of a balcony reserved for texters bloggers and twitter users.

      In today's society people have a problem with "cell-fishness." The frequency of multi-tasking when your conversing with someone, who is right in front of you, is ridiculous. Being inconsiderate by not giving someone your full attention when you're with them is appalling. How ever the damage is done. We have been enticed by the whimsical siren song of technology, there is no going back to the age before cellphones. Cellphones have become the median of communication and sociability, they've become intertwined into every aspect of the modern day life. A good way to approach the rudeness of some people would be to have certain times when using your phone would be okay. When you are alone or not disrupting anybody with your phone usage, would be an appropriate time to tweet, text, or blog. Certain instances or emergencies will have to permit the use of a phone. Your phone shouldn't be the one controlling you. Cellphones need to be balanced with real world conversations and interactions and staying connected.

I Wonder

They do not speak

They do not talk

They do not yell

They do not whisper

They do not converse

They do Not vocalize

                                 Their thoughts or feelings

They just sit and listen

               Taking

                          Everything

                                           In

I once played Icarus and ventured near

They sat and listened,

 I posed a question and,

Was meet with a wall of silence

      

No new thoughts

         No new feelings

nothing

    nothing is shared

                                thoughts are only heard

silence is there language

they are black holes of emotion

                                     no one bestowed with their cognitive functions

how is it they can sit in silence never saying a word

these are the questions I ask as I wonder how people live this way

Synthesis

     "Prince Charming, ... Frequently is a narcissistic dope," June Callwood's analysis of men, author of  Forget Prince Charming, and passes the life lessons learned to her granddaughters. Alice Major goes on in her poem to explains all the problems that she stairs down with her "prince charming," in puce fairy tale. Alice Major would agree with the advice June Callwood gives her granddaughters.

     How can you believe in perfection. Perfection does not exist, that  very lack of perfection is what makes this world interesting to live each day. June Callwood does not believe in the "perfect prince charming." She instead believes, a good relationship is based on compromise. But "the exchange is rarely 50-50." During the inception of a new relationship your "self-protected edges disappear," all that the your partner says and does is both agreeable and perfect. As inevitable as the sun setting, this portion of the relationship will come to a close; this is when you must look for "integrity." What you should look for in a partner is "truth [speaking], ...punctuality, ...consideration, ...[and] humor."

      Alice Major is imperfect, akin to ever person. Her poem puts a critical view on men's expectations of women to look, breath and act to the utmost of perfection. Her companion wants "a maid with braids of hair like rope," but this desire is impossible to achieve because "[her] hair would never grow that long". He wants her to be perfect just like in all the fairy tales. His desires will forever be unsatisfied by Alice, because she is not perfect, she is not a fairy tale. No matter the pressure he places  and pushes upon her, she can not live up to his expectations, no matter how hard she tries he will always be 'bruised by that one small nub." So instead of  "cutting off [her] toe" to please this man, she "[declines], with thanks and honor" with proposal.

     June Callwood has been giving her granddaughters advise on "the perfect mate,"  since they were old enough to sit on her lap. The wisdom of failure that is passed down by June Callwood would be passed down through a new family.



  

imagery

     The saloon doors creak open as he enters the room, followed by the unmistakable smell of gunpowder. His eyes, just visible under his tattered hat, squint as his vision adjusts to the dimly light, dusty bar. Scanning the room like a wolf in the night looking for his prey, and starts making his way to the bank ancient wood stools. He orders whiskey, and shoots the glass down. The only time this statue talks is when ordering another drink. His 3 day beard is thick with dirt and grime that most working men get. As he opens his mouth to drink more, a fissure of white skin appears on the underside of his chin. After he finishes his third glass, he asks the bartender where the outhouse is; the bartender points him to a corner of the bar where a door leads outside; he stands and slips his coat off, as whirlwind of dust comes loose and settles to the ground like the dust that comes after you swat a moth. Removing his hat revealing his gnarled bramble of hair, and begins walking in the direction he was pointed. Just audible, over the husted mumbles of the other patrons, is the metallic ting of bullets in his pockets. The holsters clinging to hips carry the hands of god. The spurs, that accompany his worn down leather boots, are rusted and worn down. This broad shouldered man reaches the door as a meek banker walks in, almost running into him. The banker looks up and all the color drains from his  face as he sprints from the bar. Five minutes pass before he returns, just as he walks in the sheriff kicks the saloon doors open; before he can even get a word out he is falling back with a single hole between his eyes.

     I have scaled the bell tour of the Parliament building, and have often been seen walking into Mordor. More than I'd like, the fictitious character of the Dos Eques commercial is based on me. I speak fluent French, in Russian. I created a new civilization out of nothing but sand and elbow grease. I raced light, and won. I designed an entire and called it Atlantis but the gods did not approve and sank it. My charm is so contagious that a vaccine was created to cure it.

Using a raspberry milkshake I once saved a family of gazelles from a fire. Breakfast for dinner is my favorite dinner. More than once, various governments from across the globe have asked for my help. I have completed high school four times, in the same amount of time it takes to finish it once. My blood smells like cologne. My smile has blinded people miles away. I created a time machine and made Germany lose the second world war and made Tuesday come before Wednesday. I drink the recommended amount of eight glasses of water a day. Each day.

Once I wrestled a wolvarine and woke up in Japan. Once I partied with Phil, Stu and Alan and remembered the events of the night before. Once I jamed my finger on a basketball. It hurt. More than once Steven Hawking has asked me to check his math. I invented July. On Wednesday I turned a vampire into a vegetarian. Sundays I only eat sandwhiches. On Fridays I make sure to feed all the homeless people in any given town, I then have tea with the Queen. On Tuesdays I contemplate all the times I've been wrong. The list is very short. On Monday I opned 100 oysters. I found 100 perals.

"Dialogue is fun"

     "So, how's it going?" Joe asked.
    
     "Eh," Rob grunted, " not so good. My girl left me the other day. She just packed all her stuff and just left, without a word, while I was working."  Rob barked.

     "She was a tart anyway! Tell you what, tonight me and you are gonna go out and find you a new girl; a better girl, who's more beautiful in every way."

     Rob bellowed, "You insensitive prat! How dare you call her that! She was the only thing I cherished."

     "Wow, wow," Joe asserted, " calm down Rob, I didn't mean to upset you. I was only trying to offer some support. So how are you feeling about this whole thing? Do you need any help with anything?"

     "No, no I've got it all under control. I didn't mean to be so short tempered with you. I've just been having a bit of trouble dealing with this."

     "Well did she leaving anything? Did you have any suspicions about her? Do you think she was seeing someone else and ran off with him?" Joe inquired.

     "If she did, I would be on my way to prison once i found them." Rob declared.

     Joe, disapprovingly, remarked "Rob are you talking about killing them! That is way to extreme of a position to take on this situation. If you were to kill her, all the work you've done to get where you are today, would be waisted: your company, your life and all those years left to experience."

     "I throw that all away if she left me for another man!" Rob yelled, " There is no way i could ever forgive her for cheating on me!"

     "What if it was me she ran off with me? Would you kill your best friend and her? How could you take another persons life?"

     "Maybe your right" Rob muttered, "Maybe I will just let her go." Rob cried, "Maybe She'll be happier without me. Maybe I'll find someone that makes me happier too."

     "Hey, don't worry about it. Tonight we'll go out and have some fun; maybe we'll find you someone new."

    


 

George was alone in the stable when Curley's wife appeared in the doorway. Their eyes locked and George had his back against the wall. She had no intention of beating around the bush. George could tell she had an axe to grind.            "What do you want?” George demanded, realizing he may bite off more than he can chew. “Well looked what the cat dragged in” Curley’s wife spat. George was caught between a rock and a hard place. George backed away as slow as molasses. “Why are you backing away from me? I just want to talk. You can’t tell your ass from your elbow can you? I’m only trying to break new ground with you. Jesus you are as dumb as a brick aintcha?" That's when George decided to try out the ace up his sleeve, "You're just a babe in the woods aren't you? Don"t know what to do with yourself without your better half. It' cost me an arm and a leg to get where I am now, and a tart like you isn't going to mess it up for me."    "Well, better late than never that you grew a back bone, all dogs have their day I guess. You know what really gets my goat?" Curley's fine asked. "No but I bet you'll tell me." "What really gets me is that you boys don't understand the countless hours i have to spent with Curly. I hate him: he's arrogant, self absorbed and a jerk. You boys only have to deal with him during the work days I have him every night; having to listen to him drone on and on." Curleys wifes words seemed to cut thought George like butter and George started blubbering like a baby. "I'm sorry," George balled, "But i have to go through the same thing with Lennie." Quick as a bunny George pulled his socks up and stopped crying, which left Curley's wife stunned silent. It seemed that her words were the straw that broke the camels back and George ran out of the barn leaving Curly's wife perplexed.                    

The Nazi

Connor Warren
2462 Green Ave
Penticton, B.C.
V7Y 3H9

September 22, 2011

Steven Phillips
Mayor,
Small town, British Columbia

Dear sir,
     It is to my understanding, that you have come across some very controversial evidence, applying to Mr. Gunter Grass. As i understand it Mr. Grass was the commandant of a German concentration camp in Poland during the second world war, and that he was responsible for the deaths of 15,000 people. I believe that Gunter Grasses actions during this time period should be over looked.

     Mr. Grass in quit possibly the best thing that could have happened to our small village. This man is incredibly selfless. If ever you were unable to afford ends meet, the only man that they could count on was Mr. Grass, he would no matter the circumstances would lend a helping hand by making sure they have enough money to cover their expenses. With out his financial aid these families would surely become impoverished . Living on the streets and unable to feed their families leaving the a defeated empty shell of their former selves. As if this selfless attitude wasn't enough Gunter Grass is also a large contributor to various charities. These selfless acts are not those a a harsh Nazi death camp commandant.

     I don't believe that Mr. Grass wanted to be in charge of such an evil place. His selfless attitude doesn't fit the image I have of an evil leader of a German death camp. He has a large family consisting of multiple children and and grandchildren. The man is 92 years old, and has yet to be put on trial for his crimes. He is much to old to repeat his offences, as well his old age means that he won't be around for an extended period of time.

     Without Gunter our small village would be without a factory that keeps this town alive. Employing many people from our village enjoy working, and making good money. This profitable factory keeps the money flowing thought this town keeping it alive. If Gunter is charged the people working at the factory may feel cheated and no longer wish to work, or live in a town where people are to be punished for committing crimes over half a century ago.

     In my opinion Mr. Gunter Grass should be pardoned for his previous crimes. His selflessness in the present far out way his previous crimes.

Sincerely,
Connor Warren
   

Our last year.

     Our fist last day of school begins. We rejoice, in the fact that our last year of high school has begun. Most are thinking of the great times to come in the our last year, but our thoughts should be transfixed on the future. As of now we have been babied by our parents and the public school system. We believe we are prepared for the future, but once we enter the post secondary world, our optimistic attitudes turn to misery. We are faced with either paying an exorbitant amount of money for a higher education, and facing gargantuan debt. Or face a world of minimum wage and a life of deciding, food or shelter. In our last year, I look ahead, with abundant amounts of indecision. " Will I work? Will I go to school?" We stuck between a rock and a hard place. Parents laying on pressure to go to school. Not knowing what you want to do. Going to a good school. Affording a car. The lack of decision may be our downfall, but this is our last year, enjoy the babying will you still can.